Depression Land..

It feels like I'm stuck in a rut.
Like I'm frozen in time,
I know I need to wake up.
But it's still winter in New England,
At least it still feels like it-I know it's April,

I'm looking outside the window.
Just yearning to go outside,
I can't bear too-my ultimate thinspo lies in wait.
She's so beautifully restless, and I feel like she knows,
I'm trying to hide it, but I feel like she knows,

I'm afraid to fail, but to tired to do the work,
How long must it drag on, before I stop,
Stop caring, stop eating, just stop!

I'm afraid to die, but the pain of life is so deep,
It's as if starving, overdoesing and bleeding aren't enough,
I know I'm not the only one that suffers in silence,

I can't stop now though, I wont stop,
I've come so far-or has coming so far the reason I'm tired,
I will starve, overdose, and bleed till I get what I want.
The ultimate-for someone to want me to be there ultimate

This is depression land, thoughts that are always there; some are completely crazy
I can think them, but never say them.