Dreams

It's been so long, because the internet is no longer available where I live and as of late I've been sick and tired. I caught a cold and work stops for no one including me. Thought I'd never be as hard of a worker as I've turned out to be. A lot has happened and it has indeed turned into something of a "twilight saga". I am not very observant when it comes to the things around me or who is around me at times. It wasn't until recently like two months ago that I realized a co-worker had something for me. He's similar in ways to my now fiance but very different in other ways. Has coincidence would have it his name is also Jacob. I'm torn in a lot of ways like Bella was, it's like night and day with two people that mean a lot to me. I like that one is young and free and doesn't have a problem with drinking alcohol. I like my fiance who is a great provider and is realistic about life though too. I don't like the unknown and a lot is unknown with the one who has something for me. We've hung out in the company of a mutual friend and it's been great. I want the sociability I have with Jacob that I don't have with Jason. Jason likes solidarity and in solidarity I find nothing but loneliness. I need a lot of stimuli to be happy. I hate routine, I love spontaneity. Age slows some people down, and I don't feel at nearly 26 I should be slowing down anytime soon. Jason is 37 and it's a real downer when he's tired all the time! I'm frustrated with the lack of respect I receive when it comes to the basics of living with someone. We both have full time jobs and because mine is the lesser of the two I have been appropriated the house maid. It makes me mad. So mad in fact at times that I don't feel like going home. I want to feel like I mean something more then the bitch whose doing his laundry; because that's how I feel, the bitch and not in a good way. I'm not sure that I would have written my dreams down if it weren't for the fact that I dreamed 2 completely different dreams in one night. My first dream had a lot of different things happen it it. I ended up in my car for whatever reason at night with my fiance. My fiance ended up driving my car with my in it. For whatever reason he drove it into a lake. I'm not sure how we ended up on the dock but we did. We watched my car sink and then eventually went after it. After trying to find it we found a car. I tried to use my same car key to start the other car we found. It didn't work. My second dream had my deceased brother in it. It has a back story to it that until now I hadn't given much though to. About 5 years before is passing he had, had a feeding tube put in. This ultimately helped him and prolonged his life. It was a challenge to convince my brother but he did accept that it was for the best. In my dream I was still trying to convince my brother if he didn't start eating more my mom and I would have no choice but to commit him to a mental health hospital. In the end he did get committed. On a subsequent visit to see him I made a point about something and got into a conversation about it with a doctor overseeing my brothers case. The doctor looked like my old professor. I don't remember what I made a point about or what I told the doctor. I've maintained a weight of 129 now for a couple of months so I'm happy for now. I went down a size. I'm getting a gym membership next week. Night lovelies... yes I'm still ALIVE.