A secret inside of a box

It's been awhile or at least a while for me. I didn't finish the last post because I was tired and I've had a lot on my mind. I can't seem to get it right or a least seem to keep myself on a structured weight loss system. I literately fail. The only thing I can think of to do is to just stop-just stop eating. To stop going to the dinning hall for lunch, to stop going to the snack bar for food. I did this last year and I apparently was getting noticeably thinner. It's really sick that I want to feel as sick on the outside as I do on the inside. If I were to bring up that I have this disordered eating no one would believe me. It's all honestly so fucked up. To be more specific I am still taking vitamins but they don't have the same effect and it makes me mad. 

Here's a short list of what I'm stressed out about:

I hate that I've been eating

I don't know if school's going to get payed for

I feel like I'm being haunted by my brothers passing

I hate my job

I still have to finish a class from spring semester

.

I wish I had my computer!

Today has been a long day and not for the obvious reasons. I have been steadily trying to eat healthy and to incorporate exercise which hasn't worked out too well. I have a cold that has made it difficult to work, go to school and exercise. I'm uncomfortable in my own skin-I look at my skin and wish that I could do something to just cut the fat off. I feel like I'm in a fat mans suit.
....bb to edit this post hw calls and so does my personal laptop!