I cant win!

My friends and family back home keep telling me that I've changed. Changed into what? I've grown up. It is and isn't that simple. I am frustrated and bemused at the same time. On the one hand I have a best friend who I don't know anymore and a mother who is just fucking crazy. Neither one of them see anything good coming out of me being in Vermont and I've nearly had it with both. Since when does posting a message about stability a slap in the face! If I were entirely honest about my best friends wedding I'd say that the person she intends to marry isn't good enough for her. I'd also say that I hate her choice of wedding colors and that she's not going to get a dime from her family to help her! If she really needs money for her wedding she should take a look at what she does and doesn't need; i.e. cable. I'm being pulled in two different directions; my friends and family and then my fiance. Since I'm on the subject of honesty why not talk about my mother. My mother is an angry, lazy, selfish person who drives me nuts. She hurts people without even realizing it. Her outburst are child-like and embarrassing. I wish that she understood that life is what you make of it. That to a decree "those people" with vehicles, nice houses and a disposable income are mostly hardworking individuals. I wish that she understood being angry all the time is a downer. I wish that she tried to make an effort when it comes to understanding my loss when it comes to my brother. I wish that she understood in order to be heard you don't have to yell. I am not a child and I refuse to act like one. If screaming were an option it would be my first. The second and third options are not mentally stable ones. I wish that they had some sort of clue how fragile I am in some respects. For God sake I don't think an eating disorder is even on their radar. I hate that I love food. I hate that I've gotten used to purging. I hate that I know what to eat so that it comes up easier. I hate that I don't like myself. I hate that I think I'm fat and that I can't stare in the mirror for more then a minute. I've only had one person tell me they can read me like a book. If my pages are so readable then why are the ones those closest to me able to read blank? I remember being sickest in the summer of last year and purging to the point my nose bled and yet here I still am, my family and friends nearly clueless. I'm starting to go back to old habits and I'm not sure what's going to happen next.