When I write I often write in short sentences or in poem like pros. It enables me to write down what I'm thinking faster and in a way that leaves my soul purged of it's deepest thoughts and concerns. I've had a lot on my mind lately and I just need to unwind for a bit.
I can't deny anymore that you've passed away, I'm angry and I don't want to feel like this.
I don't want to say goodbye, because I'm afraid I'll forget you.
I keep picturing you in the craziest way, your not whole and that bothers me.
I wanted to be with you, and I know I can't be with you now, Where are you?!
Work is not enough of a distraction for me, I'm not distracted enough at this point.
I wonder what it would be like to just stop eating for a month.
I want to waste away so I can truly feel your pain,
If I thought the guilt, the pain, and the emptiness was going to get better with your passing I couldn't have been more wrong.
I'm in a nightmare in which I will never wake from, the before and the after are just that.
I'm not sure what I believe at this point-miracles are a stretch for my heart.
If it is true that God doesn't give any one person more then they can handle why does it feel like I've been given so much.
I'm physically here but I'm not emotionally here-in that I feel so distanced from those around me.
I want to want to live and right now it's harder then ever to do so.
I wish that when I tried to speak about what I'm actually feeling I wasn't shut down.
No amount of work-No amount of distraction is going to bring back what is marked now as the past.
I used to be good at avoiding my emotions and putting them in a box-I broke down at work.
I'm tired and I just don't care about the things I used to care about.
I'm taking a lot of vitamins and it doesn't matter.
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