If

It seems like a lot of my decisions lately hinge on an if. If I spend this money here I can't spend it there. I'm so damn indecisive. If I take an extra laxative then I'll be sick all day today and wont eat much but I can't afford to do that with a 4-5 hour car ride. It's driving me a little nuts. I feel like I'm inside of a fat suite and it really is all my fault. I have to step on the scale so I know how much I weigh, but I know I'm not going to like the number. 137.2 and I don't like the number, although I thought it'd be something like 145 so I'm a little relieved. Is it even possible to get to 120? My body's making it seriously seem pretty close to impossible. 17lbs! Can I loose that much in two months? a month?
I'm in need of some new thinspo :)