I cried tonight

I miss him so much it hurts. I cried tonight again and am haunted by it. I have waited for so long to feel something and now I feel everything. If avoidance is akin to blissful ignorance then agony is murderous. I want to be happy but I'm only sad. I hate my job-wont start with that though. Schools starting again soon and I'm scared to go back-because I will be that sad girl. It's not high school so a lot of people wont notice-thankfully. I haven cut in a little while which is good but I am back to vitamins and laxatives-which cause awful stomach pains when taken! I am 135.6....weird.