It's the things that we are the most afraid of that make us all stronger. I have days were nothing matters and other days when everything matters. I cried at work and was a bit sad at work and hid it well. I wish that someone would have asked if I was alright but they didn't. Lately the only thing I've wanted is alcohol to make me forget the time I felt like I lost with my brother. And I was dangerously close to getting a bottle of Jack Daniels but I didn't. I'm working on getting some vitamins again which probably isn't such a good idea, but I need them. They relieved my stress level a lot. My weight is getting ridiculous and I really need to keep up with it. I'm so tired when I get out of work that I usually eat dinner and zonk out.
So this next part might sound ridiculous but I have the best thinspo ever at work. I've never really said anything about it to anyone before but thus far she's the reason I don't eat the fast food when I'm working. I've been ordering coffee. I'm going to throw some shit out of the house-because comfort food SUCKS.
A kind of to do list is definitely an order:
1. One-a-day vitamins, weight smart or energy-get used to the nauseous feeling again.
2. Take the vitamins with liquid based food and not starch based food.
3. The feeling normally lasts for 30-45 min before anything happens.
I hope I feel a little better when I get them on Friday.
<3 NeverEndingAlwaysBeginning.
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