Vitamins

It wasn't always the way it is now, by this I mean what the point of this blog is all about. I remember when life as I knew it was better, but isn't that how we all see it. No one knew my secret, no one knew the real reason why I was blacking out or what I was doing in my bedroom. I had a routine, I had a way of dealing with things. I put everything that hurt, everything that was troubling me in a box that was always out of the way. I put my heart into running and that was it. The following are just experiences I remember that have stuck with me and have to do with some level of addiction.

Wisdom Teeth

I remember feeling so much anxiety the day my wisdom teeth were pulled and then I was knocked out. To make a long story short I had an IV and after counting to 10 I was out. I woke up a while later in recovery and felt wonderful until the medicine started warring off. Later that week I ran the best 800 meter dash of my life; 2:52 with the assistance of pain killers.

Comments

I remember the coach's comment clearly and wonder how I could be so impressionable at 17. I loved track and field because it took me away from what I couldn't run away from. It was a safe place and I belonged. He stated that if I lost 10-15lbs I could be faster. I was crushed but I also took that to mean I was obese when in reality I was within a healthy range. There were no sit at the table rules so I would take dinner into my bedroom and throw half of it out, and run the shower and purge. One of the last times I did this was with ipecac syrup and I though I was going to die. I did this until I weighed in at 113.

When I was younger I remember feeling invincible and even though I'm not that old I feel like those days are long gone. I feel tired of putting my feelings in a box and hiding them away. I know that this vitamin thing is an addiction and it's something that could do some harm but it doesn't matter I guess. I guess my work place and the stress I felt can be to blame for picking up such a destructive habit. I wonder what they call this? 

<3 NeverEndingAlwaysBeginning