It runs so deep

I feel guilty and it's causing me a lot of anguish lately. I can be so selfish, and yet I find justifications for it. I feel like I can't breathe sometimes and I'm uncomfortable in my own skin. I'm really sad when I'm angry. This place that I'm at doesn't feel safe. I don't have any close friends anymore, I'm terrified I'm going to be alone like my mother, and careless like my father. How do I incorporate two worlds into one when I'm not ready to let go off the world I'm most familiar with.... what the hell do I do, when I don't know what to do?