I can't say that I've had much hope lately. If it were measured in miles I'd say that the distance is far and I'm getting tired from running for so long. One can't run from what they might deem a questionable existance forever. The point I'm trying to make is that I think I've run far enough-I'm tired and it's beginning to become laborsome. Is it fear that causes people to run away from what they know their capable of because one might not want to be responsible for future screw ups? Is self sabatoge a form of self-mutilation? A while ago I took a class that talked about resilency and how several people had made it out of situations that by comparision weren't as bad as mine. To be truly resilient it takes a special type of person: am that type of person? If I had to say anything about myself that I am proud of, I would say it's this.
I am not the type that gives myself compliments easily, or the type that takes them easily. I question people's motivation, wonder what they're really thinking and to a fault look to deeply into things. I have in many ways stayed as confident as I can, but lately I can't seem to find it. I need to work on being kinder to myself-to not listen to the voice in my head that so often questions and critiques me. Life is too short.
-Well that's all I guess for now. I'm essentially going to rest knowing that I do have hope and determination.
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