I want to eat the fucking twizzlers in my bag but I can't it's 9:30 at night and i promised myself that the night eating had to stop. It was my goal to loose 5lbs before the meet and today I ate far more then I probably think I personally should have. Last night J had the night off-and I worked for 8 hours had pizza, half a cucumber, a Oreo-cakester and twizzlers. Today I had a big binge day-a big salad some grapes, some pasta with peas and tuna. Some more cucumbers-some olives, 2 mini tomatoes-an orange cup, an orange, some cottage cheese, goats cheese. To top that off I had a Greek yogurt and a mini cup of Wheaties. Had 10-12 glasses water, green tea and 2 cups coffee. I ran for close to 30 min and did probably 15-20 min of walking.
The last time i checked my weight I was 132.6. 3.4lbs away from 129. Today probably ruined that. I feel utterly disgusting. My skin is pale almost translucent oddly enough. I want to see myself how other people see me, but i cant. I want to see my collar bones-but i don't want anyone to know about my strange habits. It was awful today after I ate the huge salad-I felt like a pig-out of control. I could see the reflection of myself through my laptop just stuffing the food in my mouth and thinking who is that-it's not me. I got up to get seconds and couldn't finish it-I played with it and then just shoved it to the side. I have of late to sabotaged my food. If i know there's an amount I can eat then i start eating half of it and throw it on the floors or mix something horrible with it. -if it sounds like I'm depressed I probably am-I think tomorrow I might start to fast. I have an unsettling feeling I'm back up to 134-all i have is 10 days till the meet.
....have to run to do hw I don't want to do...
<3QuietLiLier
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