Am I bulimic?

I'm not sure what to think anymore-to of what I'm capable of that is. I know that my future is a bright one, but what if I am paralyzed by the very thing that could make a bright future bright?  Fear is a powerful emotion. I've been afraid of the very thing that I am very capable of and that is success.
I have the right vitamins and if I take just enough I can in a non-logical way correct my unpredictable eating binges.  The problem is that these unpredictable binges happen on a daily basis. I take the vitamins to induce purging in order to do many things. I can't control myself. I have this image in my head of what perfection looks like and I don't care who I hurt in the process to attain it-which mostly is just myself. I've been called many things in my life and selfish isn't the worst.

I don't like the feeling of being sick-but thrive on the after effect of it. I'm not hungry for a bit after. I don't know where I'd be today if I hadn't got a hold of myself when it all started. I stopped a while ago when I got a nose bleed from making myself sick. I'm overwhelmed and this is how I deal with it-Sick eh? The side effects can be paralyzing after over usage.

Since I'm overdosing on vitamins and not painkillers, antidepressants, etc it wouldn't appear to anyone that I'm not healthy. I'm within the normal weight parameters, etc. I'm dying in side though and it relates to the past 10 months. I don't want to loose to much weight-but enough so that someone will realize how unhappy I am, because apparently I'm not depressed.

Is it so easy to hide such a habit? Because apparently I'm good at it....I wish I wasn't. I'm going to try going on a 500 calorie diet for the next week. Wish me luck. I've had a granola bar and tea. 90cal.