I was on vacation last week so I gave myself a break from all school work and from ultimately caring about what could be described as a procrastinators nightmare. It was Easter a couple of days ago and the topic of family at work came up and stuck me like a bolt of lightning. I haven't been back to my hometown since my brothers passing and I'm not sure that I really want to so soon. It will be a year on May 7th and I'm apprehensive to say the least. A year is a long time, but it's not nearly enough to erase feelings of sadness or to see people I once knew. My wounds if that what one might call it aren't entirely healed and rightly so. I feel a need to ultimately push through with what little time I have left. I want to however be careful with what I say-intentions are great but actions are even better. I told my self in the beginning of may that I was just going to have to bust right though it and didn't. So with a lot of encouragement and self-will that wont die I have to do it-I have to push through it. I have to learn to say that I'm not doing alright when times are tough for me. I apparently can lie well enough to get by-but just getting by does really suck.
What's strange is that because I'm not stuck on getting to a certain weight it's coming of a lot easier. I want to be comfortable with myself and I don't remember ever being that way. I look at myself and others who are just a bit smaller and wonder how I gained 20lbs. I went from 113-135....a gain of 22lbs. Well I'm getting headed so I can work on 5 mini papers, 2 term papers...etc....HELL.
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