All I can do is try. I'm scared to go back to school honestly-school for me is college. I wasn't doing well last semester and though my head has cleared a little bit it's not completely cleared. I worry about things I shouldn't worry about. I haven't written in a little bit because I don't know what to say. I can say that I never want to be as sick as I was the night of New Years-but after fully recovering I can't say that is the case-I want to loose 16lbs before the summer-but I hate-HATE-hate being in the cold. I miss running and really do want to pick it up again. I'm getting depressed by the winter already. I wish I was in a much warmer climate-like CA not VT or New England really.
I feel like I'm being sent all these mixed messages
Go to school=good job=better things in life=higher level of happiness [Boyfriend]
Comfortable=scared of the future=procrastination=self sabotaging behavior [Me]
High school education=mother of two=24yrs of responsibility for disabled sibling=living on benefits=No car {Mother}
I want to fully control my life! and I don't feel like I have any control over mine. I eat for other people-sometimes to shut them up, I stopped cutting for someone else- I go to work for someone else-I hate the people and my job. I living someone else's future. I really do wonder what God's plan is for me, cause it doesn't feel like any of the plans that are being set in front of me.
When I get some more time tomorrow I'll write down a meal and exercise plan for the up coming week cause if I don't get out of the house I might go crazy. I'll also post some new thinspo! 16lbs in 4 weeks don't care if it's healthy or not.
{<_QuietLiLier_>}
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