Maybe it's me?

I don't have a 9,818 bill, but what I do have is a 1,000 + one and it's been weighing on my mind along with a couple of other things. I miss having close friends, the type of friends that understand what it's like to struggle. I don't have many here-one to be exact and it just generally sucks. I am already confused by some of my classes and I'm going everyday! It's so only the beginning-Rolls Eyes-and I know I have to do better then last semester. I feel lonely-not the I'm going to self-harm lonely-the type of lonely one whose obsessed with perfection can only relate too. I am obsessed with this new show called Super-size Vs. Super-skinny just like I was once obsessed with pretty-thin. I don't see what other people see, when they look at me. I've been exercising again and it takes some of the pressure off-but not all of it. I have promised myself that I won't slip back into my old pattern of running away from feelings but it's proving harder then I imagined.
Work is a very big stressor-and one I really could do without. This week my schedule was messed up and the blame of course falls on me because I didn't inform them in time. I am going to be an hour late tomorrow and probably get written up. When I was "overdosing" on vitamins I didn't have a clue really-and it made it so much easier. I don't like when people are mad at me and it really scares me. I still feel really anxious around a long time manager and it drives me nuts. I'm beginning to let a lot of stress build and that's scary too. I can feel it in my heart, head, and muscles. I don't know how to relax w/o actually falling asleep.
I have to sort a lot of things out still-I have to relay a couple of messages that aren't going to be pretty too. Oh how I wish this blog was a little more private. Oh well in a sense I'd rather give up some of my freedom then say self-harm. I learned a lot last semester and I'm going to have to put it to good use this semester.

.....My stomach wont stop growling. 
I've had 2 fruit cups, a granola bar, a package of crackers, a jello, and a small orange...for a grand total of 570 calories.
I ran 4.2 miles in 38 min and walked 1 mile in 12 min-for a near expenditure of about 510 calories.

<3QuietLiLier