The usual

I got a comment!!!! Thanks Katie for that-sometimes most of the time I feel like I'm writing to thin air.

Anyway I digress...
Today's entry is going to be about how I've been feeling lately. The last several entries have been really dark and if I've scared anyone I'm sorry. I need to figure out a way to channel my feelings though and not shut down or shut them off. So I guess just bear with me.
It's amazing that time has just passed me by-I'm letting life pass me by and for some, most people in my life that's hard to watch.
I don't have the answers or the solutions-I'm just burnt out. I've been told what to do , when to do it, and how to do it and without anyone I feel lost.
I feel ugly, alone, and not ever good enough-I feel suffocated. I want to still wake up from this dream called life. 
I had a reason to feel sad, I had a reason to hate myself and it seems to have all changed somehow. I know that what I'm doing is slowly killing me but I don't have the strength to stop. How do I bring myself back to life when what's keeping me alive is killing me?
I feel like I've changed so much-but not enough for those around me to notice.
I tonight didn't stop eating after seven. I had my usual one meal well before seven and then I had three egg whites and 4 breathe mints with a fiber drink couple of hours later. This was probably the case because I cleaned the house for about an hour after 7. What I will say is that by having a time in place it made me stop and think about what I was eating. I initially wanted pretzels but second thought it and went with protein instead. I guess very small steps are the key for me.

I won't be on for two days-the bf doesn't know about my blog and I'd like to keep it that way.

Tonight's weight is 134.6. My starting point I think, because I fluctuate between 138-133! So day 1 of setting a time in place. It went well. To take my mind off of food I usually visit my fav. Thinspo site...

<3 formally, NeverEndingAlwaysBeginning and CathTGreatF