Just let me go quietly

It's a thought that crossed my mind earlier and one that hasn't been far from the truth for quite some time. I don't know how to say what exactly I want to say to both of my parents. My mom raised me and my brother and my father well was absent. I have feelings that have been fueling both my disordered eating and my depression for a long time. I need to get through it-or at least fake it until I do make it. It's getting tough-a week from today will be a year since my brother passed away. I want to do something special in memory of him, but i don't know exactly what. I want to live again. I wish that my life was clearer. When my brother was alive i felt like i could do anything-now I'm stuck in my own hell.