Gone

Yes I am still alive but if that's what you want to call it then that's what we'll call it.
I'm trying to fill a void that is the size of a black hole but it's near impossible alone.
That how I've been feeling lately; ALONE and it feels paralyzing.
I knew that things were going to change.
and they have; I'm not the same.
I feel the gamete of emotions: Sadness and anger with everything in between. 
I can't put what I'm feeling anymore into the neat little box I used to.

It's beyond crazy-now I'm binging on food-I have to make myself think about whether I'm eating for emotional reasons or if I'm just eating to fill this hole-often it because of the hole. I'm a constant 136 because of this. I has of late though have been feeling less hungry. My goals seem out of reach weight wise at the moment. Even the small ones aren't getting met. Here are a couple I think I'm just going to throw out there though...


1. I'm going to look at my behaviors surrounding my eating habits. This basically means that I'm going to continue with my food diary.
2. I'm going to literally look at what I'm eating-by this I mean look at the calorie count etc.
3.I'm going to set a 800 calorie limit for the weekdays and a 400 calorie intake for the weekends. This means either breakfast and partial dinner or dinner and a snack or lunch and two snacks.
4. My goal for the end of October is to loose 5lbs.

Almost done...

I haven't put up some of the people who inspire me for various reasons so here's 1 for the time being-I'll be sure to load more when I'm on my own personal computer.

<3Alwaysbeginingneverending.