It is not a crime to not know or assume that all eating disorders are not the same. It is however a misjudgement to assume that all eating disorders are followed by a stereotypical set of symptoms. I do not believe that all eating disorders can be looked at in a stereotypical way without making the illnesses and the ones it encompasses; anorexia, bulimia, BED, etc seem unlike what they are. It hurts deeply to hear those closest make the biggest mistakes when it comes to all these mental illnesses. I for example am not starving because I want to make those closest to me miserable, nor am I sticking my finger down my through for the joy of it to throw up what I can not control. It's hideous what society has made others believe about these illnesses. Eating disorders are diseases that not only to a hold of a person, but becomes part of an individuals identity. There a mountainous climb up and a slippery slope down.
It's a tumultuous phrase, "I have an eating disorder." A whispered phrase for those struggling with a disease that does kill. So what does it mean to me? I couldn't tell you a straight answer if I tried. I will give you the best answer I can and it is this. It is absolutely terrifying. Not many of my close friends know. Not many of my family members know. I am extremely degrading on myself, I often feel like crying and if I could let myself not be frighted of some of the possibilities of asking the right questions in an attempt to get help I would. With that said on the flip side I don't want to stop-I want to know what feeling thin is like again. I want to wear those thin clothes I have, those size 3 jeans. I'll do anything I have to do loose those 20lbs-even if it means 1 meal a day 600 calories tops.
<3 br="br" quietlilcontradiction="quietlilcontradiction">
No comments:
Post a Comment