Tonight has been a good night for the most part. I got out of work at 8 and have been online for a while now. I ate a lot today but have resisted eating junk thus far. I really want this badly. I want to lose enough weight for myself to feel good. I honestly feel that if that ends up being close to a dangerously low weight then it's up to me. In a lot of ways I have always felt like I do things to please a lot of other people and I am the last person I please. I like to keep others happy and avoid any conflict. I'm hoping that the weather is good because I would like to run for a little bit. I need to run a lot of things out. The holidays are a hard time for me since I lost my brother and I wish that I could avoid them all together-but that's not what he'd want.
Tomorrow I do not work but I think the bf will be home so I'm hoping that I can control myself better then I can at work. I'm beginning to think that the key to eating less is first eating something healthy then if I'm hungry again drinking some water. I have been wanting a pumpkin muffin for days now and have yet to eat it, because it just leads to more and more munching. Something that I promised myself after leaving McDicks I wouldn't do. I was under so much stress there and I don't know how I made it through some days. I made it through though.
...don't know how much I weigh....not sure I want to know either. (138)!!!!!!!! Fuck me.
Could it be due to the strength training I've been doing?
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