It has been a long time since I've had a drink. I used to drink quiet often, every weekend but that got old after a while. It allowed me to release a lot of tension. I wish that lately I didn't feel like crying. I have this ache that just isn't going away and I think that a lot of it has to do with what I did right after my brother passed away. I shut down. I still feel guilty, I still feel lonely, and I still feel empty.
I wanted to believe that a miracle was possible, and yet I felt like there wasn't ever going to be one. I firmly believe that if someone believes there is hope that anything is possible though. I find parallels with what I'm dealing with. I still believe that there is hope for me that I can get better, it's a matter of being determined to get better-right now is not the time for me.
I'm hung up on this and it's not going to stop being this way until I can fully comprehend how I feel. When I'm in the the binge-purge cycle I don't think about it all and that's what's nice about it. It is one of the crappiest coping mechanisms ever and I would never recommend anyone try and purge.
On another note who like the Vampire Diaries? I <3 them and can't wait until the October 11 premier. In celebration of it here is some Vampire Diary thinspo with Nina Dobrev who plays the lead female role! and her co stars!
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