"All you have to do is not eat"

I swear it's all I've heard in my head for the past two days. If I listen to this voice I know how things will turn out. I feel as if the clock is ticking and time is running out. I've tried to loose weight in the past and it's not worked out. For whatever reason though now I feel as if it might work. I have promised myself that by the end of this month I would loose 10 pounds and if I don't there will be consequences. I also though have been feeling more drawn to cutting. Am I loosing my mind?
I might be.

I think that tomorrow I'll start drinking copious amounts of tea, and try and eat as little as possible. I work in a deli and while making sandwiches normally don't make me hungry the fried food does.
Fuck....two small tomatoes, a slice of cheese and probably 30-40 cheeze its later here I am.
So I work in 7 hrs! My first time on register and all that goes with it....asking for id's, bad attitudes, and a possible slip up. I think that instead of getting stuff at the place I work I'm going to bring them. So my goal is nothing fried tomorrow. I'm going to bring two small tomatoes, possibly a half sandwich and half the size of cheeze its as something salty, along with a big bottle of water, a smaller bottle of water and some drink mix. That will be my morning/breakfast intake. I'll probably drink some coffee throughout the day too...the bf will be home some I'll have to stall on dinner and snacks. So my mauntra for this month is....

All you have to do is not eat.

and

I know you can handle what comes

with it, headaches etc., You've done

it before.

My ed working against me....this is what I faintly hear and it's upsetting:

Yeah you, you selfish, immature, bloated, fat pig-those cheeze its you ate earlier they are going to straight to your ass. You know what you have to do to work that off don't you? Get up off your ass and do something about it. If you keep eating at the rate you are your just going to fail like all the other times you've said you weren't. If you really want it, to loose that fat you look at when you wake up in the morning your going to have to start restricting, lying, and all together it will pay off. That ache in your stomach that's what you get for gorging your self. 

<3 Neverendingalwaysbegining, now....quietlilcontradiction or quietlilier on PT.