It's raining outside, and it's almost 5 in the morning I have to be to work in 6. I can't sleep because a lot is on my mind. I'm nervous about the semester, I'm nervous about how it's going to turn out and about working at the same time. If I don't live up to my expectations or other then I've failed. I know what I want to do-but want and will are two different things entirely. When school starts back up I'm going to be in the gym at least 5 days a week running and three days a week swimming.
I just want to do well and not be scared that it's going to fall apart. I keep so much inside and I have to be careful what I say to certain people. I hate that I have to do this because sometimes I forget who knows and who doesn't. I have a rant about the vitamins I've got currently- and it goes like this; fuck knock-offs! The vitamins I need are $20! Because the ingredients are slightly different I've unsuccessfully purged. A good thing right?
I feel so lonely. Lately at work I've drifted into outer space-sometimes I catch myself and sometimes I don't. There a whole lot left of feeling to do but no time to really do it. It's so hard to believe that I'm meant to go through all this shitty stuff for a reason. Pretending to be normal is a full time job. I wouldn't wish the pain of watching someone die slowly on anyone. It's all I can think about sometimes-especially at work.
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