A lot has happened and so on

Work is breaking me and I have to put a stop to it. It seriously only happens in the summer and I have no summer figure to speak off. The girl at work that I wish with every fiber of my being I looked like weight wise seems to do it effortlessly. I ended up pretty ill yesterday and was sent home about a half hour early-the result of my habit; vitamins. To be completely honest I wonder if the girl I mentioned above notices any of my tendencies. I usually order a lot of coffee. I obviously am addicted to caffeine but what would someone think if they only saw someone drink coffee. My weights only slightly fluctuated since I started there. I weigh a disgusting 135 and am at my wits end as to what to do to drop about 25lbs. I have no desire to exercise after a long days work and that is killing me. On nights where I feel up to it I go running-but that when I need to get something off my chest. It only amounts to two nights a week out of seven.
I have literately been unable to purge with the vitamins that I have. The vitamins I'm getting in about a week however will ensure this. I can't use laxatives when I have to work the next day because I have to move and function.  It's not fun to purge-it's a stress reliever like cutting that doesn't leave scars. I know this paragraph sound crazy but I can't write how I'm really feeling in a journal because that gets read by my fiance which isn't fair.
I am stressed out for the most part with the prospect of going back to college. Between being hired back at Mcdick's and school I have to be ready and alert. I find myself drifting into oblivion so much lately that it's scary. The death of a loved one is never a easy process and individuals go through it all differently. I'm definitely not ready to go back in two and a half weeks.

The college that I go to, has an annual running camp, which runs through late June and goes till mid August brings so much thin-inspiration to me. It also makes me jealous though-the girls are all so thin! I am hideous in comparison to many of them and it's not making me feel so great. I should look great too and there's no reason for me not too. I need to stick to what I say and create a stable routine-so I can be that girl everyone compares themselves to-body wise anyway.

Well this as been a pretty long post and I need some inspiration. I think I'll start with a couple of video's and then some pictures. <3 NeverEndingAlwaysBegining!

Here a little of scary and not so scary running/normal thinspo.